


Not The First

by hena134



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:15:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24038743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hena134/pseuds/hena134
Summary: ***NSFW GIFS WARNING***“They say that when people die of cold they feel warmth all over their body for the last few minutes as life leaves them. And you wondered if you were dying as a wave of heat came all over you and you felt darkness fall in front of you. You kept your eyes closed, not really caring. If that was the end, let it be, at least you’d die warm and get a burial.”
Relationships: Thoros of Myr/Reader
Kudos: 3





	Not The First

King’s Landing has become rough. Very rough. You saw people leave, one by one, in pairs, sometimes in groups eventhough that was idiotic; the more, the more likely you were going to get caught… Staff from the Red Keep fled to the left and right. Nobody wanted to sit under the Lannister lunatics. Who knew how one would cross them… You remained until the end… that is, until the Sept went out in green flames and Tommen tossed himself out of the window. You managed to get by with king after king and after king, but you knew what was cooking… and you wanted to be as far away from it as possible. It wasn’t terribly hard to escape, with a few preparations and plans, you were out and on your way within days.  
  
The road was difficult and dangerous, but with a few lucky catches of travelers here and there you made it past Riverlands and down into the northern borders… You thought that riding directly into Winterfell where Gods knew what awaited wasn’t the smartest, so you made your way around and down East, hoping to get as far away as possible from the soon to be war-ridden cities and hopefully find a small town to settle at. But as you rode through the days and nights none were in sight. Withered forests surrounded you on both horizons as you continued to hopelessly travel in one direction. The sun has been weak for some weeks now, and snow began to shyly fall in the mornings. The sky was made of ice, decorated only with clouds and fleeing birds. But you pushed on courageously… the map and directions seemed to be correct, you’d definitely hit a town soon. Instead, you were the one hit, with a blazing and furious snowstorm. There was nowhere around to take shelter, and staying still in the open meant sure death. But luckily the gods had you in their close watch as you saw a flame flicker in the distance, clearly coming from some sort of a tower. You soon knocked on the massive wooden gate of a fort, only watching in horror the massive wall of ice behind it. If this was a Night’s Watch territory they will not have you in… No women permitted, or some other nonsense will have you frozen to death outside. But you were surprised when a dirty, impious face with an ungroomed beard and a head full of matted hair peaked out through the bars of the gate’s window. That was definitely not a Night’s Watch man…  
  
“Who goes there?” he squeaked, trying to get a look at you through the blizzard.  
“My name is (Y/N). I got lost on my way to the town. Please let me take refuge here for the night!”  
  
He squinted his eyes at you and slammed the peakdoor closed. You thought that was the end of it and nothing would come of it, but the creaking of the heavy wooden door came as it opened just enough to get you and your horse through. As you entered it became clear that the rumors you’ve heard were true. A mix of whatever remained of the Night’s Watch and outnumbering them wildlings were present inside the fort, men, women and children alike. Nobody paid you any mind, and so you quickly realized you will have to manage by yourself.  
  
By the time you got your horse settled in the stables and found your way around, it was pitch dark outside. The wind was blowing harshly, not leaving a life in the lanterns, so everyone scooped off into their tents to start the night. Without much choice, you decided to shelter in the canteen. You pushed the freezing door slowly, hoping that nobody will notice you as you slipped inside. You kept close to the wall, avoiding looking at anyone. There were some men scattered here and there in the room, eating and drinking, but it was quiet enough to hear the crackling of the firewood collapsing in the furnace. You scanned the room for the source of heat, and found it. A large, black stone structure at the other end of the room… You continued practically licking the wall as you swooned towards it, praying nobody will notice you, although someone was definitely watching you. You could feel it, yet made the best choice and ignored it… The place was full of men who haven’t touched a woman in years, and wildlings who have touched them all too much… and you didn’t want to be in either group of the said women. Come dusk, if the storm passes, you’ll be out of here. For now all you wanted was some fire to ease the pain of your frozen fingertips. You scooped yourself up against the side of the fireplace on the floor, tangling your legs in a pelt you managed to find in the stables. You closed your eyes, and the delicate warmth of stone pressed against your face and shoulder reminded you of better days… or nights, so to say. The warmth of his chest as you lay on it, feeling his hands resting on your back, watching the lights of King’s Landing through the windows of the Red Keep… his body was always warm, and he shared it with you generously. Until he went rouge and you never heard from him again when Ned Stark sent him with the others to go after the Mountain. You waited and waited, but no words ever came. Somewhere inside you hoped you’d run into them while you traveled through the Riverlands, but no such luck either. Words of love and devotion went to fuck themselves.  
  
They say that when people die of cold they feel warmth all over their body for the last few minutes as life leaves them. And you wondered if you were dying as a wave of heat came all over and you felt darkness fall in front of you. You kept your eyes closed, not really caring. If that was the end, let it be, at least you’d die warm and get a burial of some basic decency.  
  
"(Y/N).” you heard. The voice sounded terribly familiar as it called out your name quietly. It came from a very close proximity, and seemingly the source of heat. You opened your eyes slowly. Your eyelids felt heavy, and even looking was an effort now. But as the figure squatting in front of you started to make shape, you wished you hadn’t opened your eyes and instead should have told whoever to go to seven hells. It was him. Thoros of Myr, living and breathing, in flesh and bone, was right in front of you, looking at you concerned. “What are you doing here?” he asked, getting closer to you and tucking up the pelt to cover you better. It took you a few moments to get yourself together, as you were completely lifeless from the travel. Without proper food and warm shelter for a few days now, you were exhausted and not functioning as you should. And the last thing you needed was him… although it seemed he has been through some himself. He, too, was withered, having lost some weight, becoming paler, his eyes more tired than drunken. But he was clean and seemed to be well on his feet… But that didn’t matter as you felt fury build up inside you. Had you had the strength, you’d probably try to beat the life out of him. You haven’t heard from him in years, and now suddenly he is worried about you?  
  
“Go to hell. I want nothing to do with you. Leave me be.” you whispered, unable to make it any louder, but your face sent a clear message.  
“If that’s what you want, I will do. But at least let me make sure you’re alright first…” he completely ignored your anger.  
  
He knew that although you were furious with him, you weren’t thinking straight either in that state. And he could not just leave you as you were, especially when he had all the means to help. Especially because maybe you’d listen…  
  
You hadn’t the strength to resist. Besides, way or another you’d leave tomorrow, and if he could help you survive the night, you’d take your chances. Holding onto his shoulder and feeling his arm around you as he helped you up felt like being stabbed in the lungs. You felt angry and vulnerable. You dragged yourself up the stairs and down the corridor until you’ve reached a chamber. It was warm, with lit fireplace and a bed full of pelts, small and safe… Thoros held you as you slid down his shoulders to sit on the bed, hardly managing to keep your balance. Everything felt so heavy, and you didn’t know if it was the heartache you drowned years ago learning how to swim suddenly, or just the exhaustion. You watched Thoros impassionately as he made quick work of filling you a tub of warm water.  
  
“Come on, let’s get you in.” he approached you, but you retaliated quickly.  
“Back off…” you growled, not even knowing why. You wanted the help, but you couldn’t help the anger burning inside you. God, if you had the strength he’d get a sharp one right now.  
  
“Nothing I haven’t seen of you yet. You’re going to only get colder, your clothes are soaked from the snow and skin damp…” he continued to come close to you.  
  
You let him slip you out of your clothes after how gently he handled you. You missed his touch, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. But as your last layers came off, Thoros discovered that he hasn’t seen that of you yet. Your body wasn’t as in the good old days. You were full of bruises and scratches, visibly of tired posture, your skin not as tight as it used to be because of how much you’ve been enduring in the last weeks. It was simple exhaustion, but it showed. He felt tightness in his throat as you sank into the water, pulling your knees under your chin and turning your face away from him as he knelt next to the tub. Had he known you’d end up like this he’d have never left you there.  
  
“I didn’t want to leave you there, but it was for the better. It was the only way you’d be safe.” he started to explain himself. His heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. You were curious for an explanation, but didn’t want to show it. You remained as you were. “I didn’t write to you because I thought that if you’d hate me it would be easier for you. That’s why you haven’t heard anything. I couldn’t have taken you with me… or so I thought at the time.”  
  
And it was true. When him and Beric realized there is no going back to serving the King he wondered for a long time what to do with you. You couldn’t ride with them as surely you’d get hurt sooner or later. Leaving you somewhere in Riverlands seemed like a bad idea too, afterall how would someone who’d spend most of their life in King’s Landing manage there… but now he realized he has underestimated you. So much… You didn’t need protection, you didn’t need no knights and no warm hands to keep you safe. And it was just another terrible failure of his. You turned to him as he watched you, obviously distressed.  
  
“I would have been fine. What’s done is done.”  
  
You still loved him. You always have. Even though you have learned to live with him gone, he was in your heart. He carefully brought the washcloth to your back, as if handling a wounded wild animal that might end up biting off his arm. But you let him. For the first time in so many years you again felt the touch that once was everything to you. Your whole day revolved around waiting for the evening when you could talk and laugh and drink and fuck and nothing in this disgusting world mattered.  
  
“I have nothing left, nowhere to go, nobody to turn to. You have left me there to rot away while you went away to be free.” you finally spoke your thoughts. He sighted, knowing fully well he had been selfish. But he has suffered too.  
  
“There wasn’t a day I haven’t thought about you. Truly. Much has happened through all this time, and I believed that leaving you untouched was the best for you. To keep you away from all this madness… I love you, I have and I probably will until I die. There is nothing I can do about it.”  
  
His words shook you on the inside. In fact, nothing was stopping you now from being with him… it’s not that you ever stopped being together. He just disappeared, and you became angry with him. But now there were no walls of the Red Keep to separate you. No dangerous forests and road bandits… You were sitting in a tub of warm water, in safety of stone walls, catered to by the love you haven’t seen in years. A few tears rolled down your cheeks, but he hasn’t noticed between the streams coming down from your wet hair. It wasn’t sadness. They didn’t come because of sadness, but overwhelming and fulfilled longing.  
  
You stepped out of the tub as he held up and stretched a large towel to wrap you up in. You walked into it as Thoros wrapped the fabric around you, rubbing your back. You couldn’t help but to rest your head on his chest as he did so. Feeling this, he slowed down and eventually stopped, in awe that you wanted to be close to him again. He slowly tightened his arms around your back. You stood there, the warmth of the fireplace hitting your calves, listening to Thoros’ heartbeat.. It was much slower and gentler than you remembered it. But you couldn’t enjoy it too long as you started to get cold again. You pulled away from him a little and he continued to dry you up, eventually cladding you into a clean, obviously men’s, tunic. You got yourself into the bed, burying your body into the softness you have missed so much… Thoros sat on the edge of the bed, making sure you’re comfortably settled. You knew he most likely intended to go back downstairs to give you some space to rest, but you were damned if you’d let him.  
  
“Stay with me…” you told him, shoving yourself further into the bed to make space for him. He hesitated a little, wondering if you’re really fine with that. Just an hour or so ago you were convinced you’d never want to see him again… but your eyes now told a different story. He got under the blankets, but before he managed to judge how close to you is safe not to get a nosebleed from a punch, you were head in his chest again. Thoros’ arms formed a warm cocoon around your back and waist holding you tight. He might have withered, but his heat was the same as always. “What happened to you?” you asked as soon as you were settled. You heard of what they were up to, Brotherhood without Banners, the Mountain this and the Mountain that. But you wanted to know what happened to him, specifically. And so as you lay in his arms he told you all about how he found the Lord of Light anew, about Beric’s otherworldly escapades, the Hound’s visions, and how up until a few days ago he was stuck in a freezing cell until one Jon Snow decided to drag them out on an expedition beyond the Wall and now they’ve gotten some priviliges. Once your hunger for redemption was satisfied, you drifted off to sleep with Thoros’ fingers running through your hair and back.  
  
You slept deeply and calmly, and didn’t need much. You woke up, and before you opened your eyes you feared it was all just a dream. That he will not be there when your fingers will search for his neck. But he was still right next to you, watching you… His eyes were the only thing next to his warmth that haven’t changed in Thoros…  
  
“How long have I been asleep…?” you murmured out.  
“It’s probably just a little past midnight. Not all that long at all…” he smiled at you, stroking your cheek. You used to love it so much when he’d do that. It used to make you feel safe, and it still did. Your eyes were now brighter and more lively, finally having gotten some rest. You couldn’t help but to just continue looking at him, still in a little disbelief that this was really happening. But it felt all too real when Thoros leaned over onto you and kissed you softly. Your skins brushed as you melted in his arms. He couldn’t help himself, he needed you as much and even more than you wanted him. You continued to exchange shy kisses and stealing strokes of skin, each one becoming more and more intimate. What started as your hands on his neck soon became fingers running over his bare chest as they found their way under his shirt. What began as him caressing your shoulders, traveled to become circles with his thumb over your hip bones, palms stroking your ribs as the tunic you wore disappeared, leaving your naked body the only thing between the blankets and the sheets below you. You had no objections as his mouth began to travel over your neck, hands more confidently worshiping now your chest and thighs. He was moving quickly, but you didn’t mind. If you weren’t so hungry for his touch and only lustful, you’d have long thrown yourself onto him. But both of you needed this. You both needed to remember how it was back when life was careless… now, only in moments like this it would be so. The intimacy you two had between you was the one sacred time when nothing else existed. You began to feel a tingling in your hips as his warm hand started to come up your inner thigh, the other clutching you close to himself with the other arm. Your fingers dug into his still clothed chest as you knew what was coming… You sighted heavily against his neck as you felt his fingers caress the delicate parts between your legs.

  
  
He has always been so gentle with you. He had a tight hold on your body pressed onto his, but wouldn’t even think to be rough with you. After all this, you deserved nothing but safety and comfort. Thoros began to come a little more on top of you, but not completely. He wanted more access to your bare shoulders and chest, which he soon covered in nicks and kisses. He chose each one carefully, making sure you feel them all as if they are offerings to a goddess. These, complimented by his fingers’ work made you hot and wet below. You began to arch and push yourself against him, wanting more. He himself wasn’t willing to wait much longer, already hard and hungry for the only honest feeling he ever felt.  
  
Although you missed the magic he used to work with his hands, this wasn’t time for playing and games. This was so important, and you weren’t here for pleasures and fun. You were here to feel him again, to be one with him once more. It was hard, but you managed to get yourself in control and take his hand into yours. He looked at you, alarmed if perhaps you weren’t alright, but was quickly reassured as you crushed your lips into his and started to wrestle with his clothing. Thoros knew better than to try and stop you and get his way in toying with you, and so soon enough all his garments were scattered over the floor while he slid on top of you, pulling the blankets to top with him to keep yourselves warm. He tangled his fingers with yours and pulled it above your head as his other hand carefully found your parts together with his. You felt him against your entrance, and anticipated the feeling you were so desperate for. As you felt him coming into you, it was more than he expected. He buried his face into the pillow beside your ear, grabbing it with his free hand as your arm wrapped under it and you dug your fingertips into his shoulder blade. You pushed your chest against his in reaction to your bodies joining.  
  
  
  
The deeper he went, the lower and tighter your arm traveled on his back. You felt his fingers tightening around yours on the other side as he finally was wholly in you. You gasped against his shoulder and scratched his oblique just a little as he began gently moving in and out of you.

Thoros was very careful as not to get too harsh and wild with you, although it took all the self-control he had. Your skins stuck together here and there as he moved in you, slowly and steadily. When he finally got used to you he quickly found your hand on his back and mimicked the other one, pinning you between himself and the sheets coarsely. He set his sight on you as his thrusts became heavier and you began to feel extreme pleasure as he hit you in just the perfect spot. Vigilant of you, he quickly caught on and continued to grind his hips into yours, taking care that he gets you there over and over again. You closed your eyes and arched into him, completely submitting into his doings. He felt himself coming close as his right arm wrapped around your waist, getting even deeper into you. You moaned as his mouth found your neck again, fingertips in his nape. Your still tangled hand began to push against his. Your force drove him over the edge, and one hot breath against your skin had you going in the same direction. You both came into one another, moans and grasps every which way, unable to contain nor the pleasure, nor the love.


End file.
